How to Produce Ambivalence

How to Produce Ambivalence

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s, well, broken.
Grosse Pointe Blank

I told her that the first step to working this out is dropping that guy. I told her that I think the best thing would be for both of us to come home after work and spend time together.

Her reply, “That’s the opposite of what I want. I want to be independent. I want to miss you.” Essentially, I think she wants to see if she can make it on her own and as soon as she realizes she can’t, she’ll want me back.

I told her I can make that happen — but I may not be there for her when she does.

She wants me to stay because I’m “family.” I told her that I can’t stay if the emotional abuse (which she acknowledged she’d been doing) was going to continue. Essentially, she wants me to be there to take care of her but still be able to go out and mess around with other guys. Nuh uh. That ain’t the way it works. I told her she was selfish.

Finally she told me to either hit her and give her a black eye or shut up.

I said, “I know you like that all your other boyfriends hit you, but I have no desire to.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yep. You’re doing a fine job of ruining your life on your own.”

As she was going to bed, she wanted a hug. I mentioned that I couldn’t get a hug yesterday. But I still gave her one. I wondered aloud if it was a break-up hug. Then this morning she rubbed my head at some early hour. I asked her why she was touching me. Then she wanted a kiss this morning. I questioned that, as well, but gave her one anyway. Then she said she loved me. I said don’t lie to me. “It’s not a lie. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Silence, and then I replied, “I love you, too.”

“See you tonight,” she replies.

Pretty fucked up that she can’t even make a good faith effort at attempting to work it out by dropping this worthless fuck she’s seeing who’s going to last about three weeks with her.

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