Watch Your Back: 3 Tips for Living in Trump’s America

 

Watch your back. That’s my advice to Americans. Hell, that’s my advice to everyone.

President Trump’s actions – from the refugee ban to the rollback of regulations preventing coal mining companies from dumping waste in rivers and the killing of requirements that financial advisers act in the interest of their clients – are creating an America in which it truly is each man or woman for him- or herself.

To pushback against that atomization of society (and help protect you from the consequences of Trump voters’ dereliction of moral and civic duty), I offer these suggestions to you free of charge:

Start using bottled water – for everything. You can’t depend on the Environmental Protection Agency to monitor all harmful chemicals agents, like coal mining waste and fracking spills, in your local water supplies. You don’t want to drink or get that water in your eyes. Just ask the citizens of Flint, Michigan.

Keep a close eye on your accounts. The government isn’t here to protect you from unscrupulous bankers and others in the financial services industry out to earn money off you. Remember all those fake accounts created by bank employees? Look forward to more of that. Oh, and you should definitely start watching all your credit reports.

Insurance? Ha! (“Die fast.”) We know where insurance is going. Surprisingly, though, the Republicans have admitted that Obamacare works – it insured tens of millions of people who previously went without insurance. It also slowed the growth in health-care costs. But the clearest illustration of their support is their unwillingness to just get rid of it and go back to what we had before. In fact, they clearly support it more than they say: They never even came up with a replacement plan. I suppose they really just want to change the name. Should the Republicans be successful in destroying the insurance marketplace, though, I must echo Alan Grayson’s advice that, should you not be wealthy enough to afford a hospital stay out-of-pocket, you should, “Die fast.”

Granted, none of the above offer tips to refugees or the soldiers who will lose their lives should Trump decide to do more than just rattle sabers, but I’m just trying to do my small part for now.

Best of luck to you all. Especially the morons who voted for Trump who aren’t intelligent enough to do any of the above.

In the meantime, I think we should start advocating for tax dollars from cities to stay in cities rather than supporting roads and schools and other such 21st-century amenities for rural areas.

 

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