Get Off My Back

I guess you know when you’re growing old because the pains stop going away.

A month or so ago, I was squatting down to write on my wet-erase wall calendar when my tailbone made intimate, uncomfortable and bruising contact with the corner of my desk chair’s metal-covered-by-stiff-plastic arms. It was quite unpleasant.

It made it difficult to sit for a bit on firm surfaces, including the cheap 1970s-style puke green couch. I had to throw a pillow under my ass.

I thought the pain had gone away. Apparently not.

A few weeks ago, my feet slipped out from under me (seriously, you’d think we’d just waxed our tub) while showering. My back took out the faucet – bent it so the 90-degree angle became a 40-degree angle to the tub.

Just to the left of my spine. Misty was afraid I’d crushed a vertebrae or something. She also thought I should go get an MRI or X-ray or at least talk to a doctor. I demanded we wait a few days. Then I scheduled an appointment.

They were 45 minutes late when they called me to the window and told me I’d be paying 20 percent or so because I hadn’t met my deductible. Is that going to be okay?

“I hope so,” I said.

I sat down. How much is an MRI? An X-ray? What the hell is up with my expensive-ass POP not covering this completely? I stood up and walked out. I couldn’t risk the out-of-pocket cost.

I didn’t feel bad walking out. I’d already spent enough of my time there. They should have been paying me.

I think I can still feel it when I pull an arm in front of my chest.

Last week, I developed some strange (to me, anyway), sharp pain in my back just inside my right shoulder.

Stretching doesn’t help, though it does help loosen up my neck so I can turn my head to the left. From my shoulders up feels locked. Muscle relaxers haven’t helped. Hell, even prescription painkiller hasn’t killed the pains. Makes it hard to sleep.

Assuming whatever this is isn’t some sort of arthritis or other long-term degenerative problem, I wonder if it one will stick around – or come back. I figure it’s more than likely just the way I sit at my desk all day to work.

My ass hurts and I have a pain in my back.

Yay, fuck.

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