When Hope is a Method

I want specifics on the general idea
I wanna think what I should know

I think it’s a joke for me to write that I’m trying not to feel jealous when I see acquaintances moving up in the world while I feel that I’m stagnating. It isn’t something I necessarily started trying to do. Rather, I’m not feeling as envious, especially that particularly harsh envy.

These people I, of course, think are far less qualified than I am. But now when I see them moving up, I can’t hold it against them – not really. Their graduate degree may have trumped my experience earlier in our careers, but, at this point, they’ve moved beyond me and now, as far as I can tell, deserve their promotions and accolades.

I wait. I work to stop the wait. And I wait some more.

Sometimes I think the few accolades I get are real. And then they disappear without a word from their utterers.

Others are more real, but closer, too. The acceptance must come from outside the circle. We all know we can only find it in ourselves, but, if that’s so, why do we share? I could be writing this in my paper journal and not feel the necessity to self-censor. But, for whatever reason, I prefer to share – and I always have, ask any of the many friends I made over the course of my first online journal.

I used to be good at this. I’m not sure I am any longer.

I hope Seattle pans out. I hope I get this job and Misty gets hers and things get better.

I wanna see the movies of my dreams

There was a time when I thought things couldn’t get worse. And then I discovered they can always get worse. It’s better that you say neither is possible or impossible.

I wanna see it when you get stoned on a cloudy breezy desert afternoon
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see it now

 

(Featured coin courtesy of Doctrine Man!!)

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