iPhoning it in.

I’m in no hurry to get an iPhone. I’ll be surprised if I ever actually buy one, but I’m certain I’ll be usingSee you to Hell, bitches! similar technology produced by some other company in the near-ish future (read: when I’m not poor).

In fact, I’m really starting believe that the Apple symbol is the Mark of the Beast.

According to the Scriptures, the “mark of the beast” is received on the right hand or forehead. With modern technology, it is very possible that this mark may be directly linked with a computer chip. But regardless if it is or isn’t, everyone who is living immediately before the return of Christ will be forced to take this mark in order to buy or sell anything:

He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.

You’ll have good company down there in Hell, though, with Philadelphia Mayor John Street (who stood in line starting at 3:30 AM, then had an aide hold his place and finally put a police officer on spot-holding duty) and DC Mayor Adrian Fenty (who, apparently, violated the one-per-person rule by having three iPhones delivered to his waiting limousine outside).

With rank comes its privileges. Be sure to read the contract’s fine print carefully — I’m fairly certain deep down in quarter-inch font you’ll find you’re also signing your soul away. And not just to a two-year contract with AT&T. For eternity (picture of Eternity).


[Hotel Tango: 13th Floor from Governing.com]

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