Another Personal Update

Another conversation:

me: I logged into her MySpace account and read her personal messages with the guy.All about how she wants him to suck on her lip and how she wants to chew on his ears and get him back for the hickies.I called her and confronted her immediately. I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Today at 3:25pm
friend: i’m sorry. call me if you need to talk. or cry.just try to remember. you cheated on her. and you had an emotional connection with the woman. i’m not saying you should feel bad and think that this is all your fault because you cheated first and now your world is falling apart. that is the wrong way to think.it’s like you are under a spell. you think you needlindsay.

Today at 4:14pm
me: it sucks.i am so nauseous.

i am so afraid she is going to come home tonight and be adamant about not working it out.

i told her i was still committed to working on this. from the ashes rises the phoenix, i txted.

she’s still very iffy. says she doesn’t know if she has the life in her to do the work we’ll have to do to save this. nor has she found the renewed commitment i’ve found — but we both hope she finds it.

i’m scared. i know the heartache won’t last forever if it ends, but i still don’t want it to end.

I’ve actually pondered going to church after work and praying over it. Do you know how out of the ordinary that would be for me? Church? Sincerely praying?Plus, I figured I can cry there. Need something to do between when I get off work at five and she gets off work at seven or so. ugh ugh ugh.

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