[ mood | mellowmellow ]
[ music | that 70’s show ]

First, a haiku I wrote for Lindsay and posted on bestmessageboardever.com. She helped me with it. A little.

Lindsay is the best
She smiles and touches my heart
And that’s the best thing.

Beyond that, I’ve thought some more about our relationship. I’ve wondered about how I’m able to take my parents and other people I love for granted (even given the knowledge of their short time left on earth), but when I think of Lindsay or my friends, I feel like I shouldn’t take them for granted.

So, I thought, that, really, what I’m looking for is a girl who I can take for granted, without actually taking her for granted. I still think Lindsay is that girl.

I don’t feel like I take Lindsay for granted. I still ask her regularly if she’s happy or if she has anything she’d like to discuss. I made plain again tonight that I’m interested in hearing any complaints about the relationship that she may have.

But, ultimately, I want to be able to take her for granted. I want to be able to believe that she will always be there, even if I say the wrong thing or don’t pay the right amount of attention to her. I want to be able to take her for granted while, at the same time, appreciating every minute I have with her in this world.

I think I’m doing pretty well at this with my parents — even if it’s to a lesser extent than I’d like with Lindsay. I want to be secure in the knowledge that we will always be together and, at the same time, let her know that she’s constantly appreciated.

Does any of this make sense?

Essentially, I want to be loved unconditionally and I want to love unconditionally, and I want the other person to know that, even when I don’t show it, I still love them completely and without qualification — even if I’m mad or sad or otherwise.

Am I rambling incoherently?

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