Represent!

Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.
–Annette Funicello
Other Stuff
November 3, 1998
Have you ever noticed that the people chosen to represent us are always the worst possible choice? Just think of all the people in your school or company who could accurately reflect what your institution embodies. The person would probably be clean cut, drive a Mercedes and… have a bottle of whiskey on their desk at all times.

Okay, so maybe that’s not the best idea. But what about choosing a person who could represent your company in a positive light in all those commercials, brochures, etc. Clean cut, drives a Mercedes, drinks champagne — most likely a bottle of Jim Beam in his top desk drawer, but at least it’s out of sight.

But it’s never one of those two — it’s always the very worst person for the job. I sometimes have to wonder what the marketing department for Microsoft was smoking when they decided to let Billy take the stage at tradeshows to show off the new software.

Of course, sometimes you can’t tell the difference because they can shine up good on the outside but be completely different on the inside. This always proves to end in horror. Case in point, the guy who was chosen to represent the Air Force on a telephone directory. He was what every good military man should be: tall, dark, and handsome. He also beat his wife. Six months after the telephone books were printed and distributed this tiny fact comes to light. Oops. At least he looked good.

More examples:

The girl who represents your high school, but who, in English class, is always asking what the hell is going on.

The guy at works who’s chosen to appear on TV with that hot morning anchor to represent your company. Isn’t it funny how often he’s in the restroom when Marge, the cleaning lady, is in there cleaning toilets?

There are thousands of examples to back this up. Make up your own. Even Southerners are represented by their worst. The Nation only sees a Southerner after a tornado hits a trailer park.

New Yorkers even get a bad rap (if that’s possible). We only hear things about them specifically after a lady gets mugged on the subway while the rest of the car watches in silence.

It’s crazy, but that’s the world we live in. A place where we let the idiots represent us. Clinton.

I won’t become the thing I hate…
I won’t become the thing I hate…
I won’t become the thing I hate…
I won’t become you

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